Body Issues Rant

Monday, July 23, 2012

As some of you who follow me on twitter know I had a phone conversation with my parents the other day. Which basically involved my dad telling my to get a gastric band. They had been to visit a friend who had it done a year ago and is still losing weight and told them its the most amazing thing he has ever done. My parents being very pushy decided I should get this done also. The explained how they would pay for it my my mum would look after me for a month after the op to make sure I was ok. My mother is nurse but also has MS and is not doing too well at the moment so how she thinks she would be able to look after me I have no idea.

I have been fat most of my life. I started gaining weight in primary school and slowly put on about 14lbs a year matching my weight to my age. At 21 I was at my largest and had dieted many times through the years but always put it back on and more. I tried weight watchers with a photocopy of the booklets from a friend of my mum. I tried diet pills. I starved myself. I did every fad diet that was out there. I was the biggest of my group of friends but about 100lbs. They never made me feel bad for it. It was others and usually guys that had an issue with my size. Being called a beached whale is no fun for a teen. I had little interest in dating as I figured anyone who wanted to be with me was stupid and why would I want to be with a stupid person. I had crushes on boys to almost obsession but I never acted on it for fear of rejection. It was not until I lost 5 stone that I got a little confidence and started dating and lost my virginity. Through this I gained more confidence and as the weight went back on I did not lose the confidence it stayed.

In primary school I was active and played after school basketball. In high school I was in a dance group and had been on the hockey team and was a pretty good goalkeeper but the early morning practice on a Saturday soon put a stop to my team efforts. When it came to physical education I didn't take part. After a school sports day when we everyone had to run track myself and another fat girl were way behind everyone else and I pushed myself to not finish last yet the teacher still marked me as last. After that I gave up on sport. I was pressured into doing swimming in a mixed class once and didn't go back after that. Being a teenager is bad enough but when you are fat or skinny or anything that is a little different from the normal it makes it so much harder. I am not saying I had a bad childhood. I didn't. I was bullied and such but I figure it made me stronger. Although you will not see me thanking my bullies in this lifetime!

Anyways back to the gastric band issue. I figure I am 32 and through varies people and photo shoots I have found that I actually am happy with my body and myself as a person. I seem to drift between 250-300 depending on my job and the seasons. I have no problem with any weight I am up to 300lbs. I have been slightly more and found I got severe back pain, leg cramps etc. So for my health I know I am better staying below 300lbs it is for this reason that I know I will need to get fit and lose a little before I decide to start a family. I may have problems in that area anyways as I might have Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome (POS) which makes becoming pregnant that much harder if not impossible.

I have a hospital appointments next week to figure out if I do have POS. I know for a fact that any weight I lose will go back on and I am fine with that. I just know that being pregnant and carrying the extra weight would be hard on my body so want to be as fit as possible before I venture down that path. I am also Diabetic type 2 which has its own problems with pregnancy. I have been Diabetic for over 12 years. It runs in my family and it under control. I also have thyroid problems which again is a family thing all the women seem to have. So I know I need to take care of myself and my body.

As my parents forced their views of my body and what should be done about it down the phone. I told them I would not have an operation to help me lose weight. I don't want to be thin. I am happy the way I am and who is to say that putting my body through that operation wouldn't land me with other health issues and so people on twitter informed me off. Such as IBS, surgery complications. I love food and enjoy food. I don't want to have to puree food and not eat certain things. I am old enough to know my body and what works and doesn't. My mental health is good and my physical health needs some work but I am starting swimming next week with a friend and intend on being fat and fit. I expect my body to change in the coming years as is has in the past years but I will still love it and be happy with what I have.

I know there is a lot of anti diet talk in the plus size community but sometimes people need to do what is best for their body and if that means losing a few pounds then who are we to tell them otherwise! It is their body! They have to live with it so please don't judge someone for dieting. Let people do what they want to do and as long as they are not shoving their ideas down your throat then who cares. It is not just fat people who have body issues. We all have issues and overcoming them takes work.  Every body IS a good body and as long as you love your body and self I think you are on a good path. Life is a journey and we all take different routes but we all end up dead so don't worry about stupid little things just be happy. Find what makes you happy and do it.

This has been a rant. It doesn't happen often but I felt I needed to get the words out of my head. Thanks for reading or not.

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  1. Anonymous1:01 pm

    Stay true to yourself and do what feels right. Love you loads honey x x

  2. I agree - do what is best for you and not what everyone thinks you should do. You know your body better than anyone at the end of the day. I'm not happy at my current weight, but I am happy as a plus size woman so it's a difficult dilemma for me. Look after yourself and be healthy and happy, that's the main thing x

  3. Anonymous6:13 pm

    Ah parental fat shaming! Been there!! My mother is fat and unfit. She has bad knees and type 2 diabetes but doesn't DO anything to make herself healthier or fitter! She's on insulin now because she was too stubborn to change her diet when she was diagnosed with diabetes 10 years ago. This therefore gives her the right to lecture me on being fat and that I don't want to end up like her in 30 years time.

    I explain to her that being fat doesn't stop me doing anything - I'm healthy and happy at the size I am. I have always said I was overweight but when I look back at school pictures, I was the opposite. I hit puberty earlier than anyone else - so had boobs and curves before my prepubescent classmates ergo I was called fat. So I ended up fat but I'm ok with that! Don't let anyone push you into doing something you don't want to do. If you are healthy then there is no reason to diet. In fact dieting causes most people to be MORE unhealthy!! Crazy right?

    I think you look fab and as someone with a similar body size and shape to me, you inspire me to step out a bit more! I'm posing nude (again!!) with you :)

  4. ((hugs)) I have been there. I hate the word diet! I weigh 310 lbs and have been pregnant 9 times, (5 which didn't make it and 4 who did). I have done the diet thing and have found it just doesn't work, (I usually gained back all that I would lose and then get an extra 5-10 lbs on top of it) and parent shamming is never helpful.

    When I started to have kids I decided that dieting wasn't for me but making long term lifestyle changes was. So I slowly cut out things that I knew were not good for anyone let alone me and carrying a baby and I am finding that I am feeling better and healthier because of it. If I loose weight as a side note then great but I think making changes that will stay with me is more important then some fad diet. Diabetes runs on both sides of my family and I am trying to make sure I don't get it but have been told I am on the border of having it.

    ((hugs)) I know everyone's road to a baby can be fraught with some frustration and hopefully loads of bliss.

  5. Sounds like a healthy attitude to me, being happy and at peace with yourself is much more important than subscribing to other peoples ideas of what is healthy or attractive.
    I've just had a son, he's now 8 months old, and although it seems like you are well aware of the complications that being overweight can add to a pregnancy I just wanted to add my personal experience. When I became pregnant I was between 16 and 17st and during my pregnancy I got to over 21 stone. I became pretty immobile towards the end and fairly small tasks were a struggle, and my knees were agony, my blood pressure was really high too and I developed gestational diabetes. Even with the low GI diet and insulin I was prescribed the GD affected the growth of my son and he was induced 3 weeks early, as my placenta could no longer support him. He was 12lb3oz at birth, which was the largest baby that any of the 10 staff present at his birth had ever seen. That wasn't just down to my weight, or the diabetes, but they did contribute to it. My son is perfectly happy and healthy now, as he was when he was born, but if I were to have another child I would try to lose some weight beforehand, as I feel that the pregnancy would be easier and have less risk attached. I also have to add that throughout my pregnancy and shortly after I often felt bullied and judged by the healthcare professionals that I encountered, and this sometimes clouded my judgement when it came to some of the decisions that I made during my pregnancy. My advice for anyone would be to arm yourself with as much information as possible, and do not allow yourself to be bullied by those who are payed to help you. Sorry to hijack your post, that turned in to much more of a rant than I intended.
    Good luck and stay strong, you're inspirational!

  6. I think the most important things are that you're happy and healthy. Nobody should ever be bullied in to dieting or surgery. You have to do what's right for you. And if you feel fabulous just the way you are, then f*ck what anyone else thinks and keep being you! :)

  7. I am really sorry that your parents suggested the surgery to you. :( I have been chubby/fat all my life (it runs on my mom's side), and I was lucky enough to have a supporting family so I was never into diets etc I have read a lot of stories about these surgeries on forums and it's very rare that someone is completely happy. It's a huge (no bad pun intended) life change, and it really angers me when I see how easily doctors suggest it over here. Even if someone is slightly overweight.

    I think everyone should be able to take care of his/her body the best he/she can without being shamed. Watching what you eat, doing sports, etc is a lifestyle, and I don't think anyone is going to bother you because your body changes a bit. It's totally natural. :)

  8. Thank you for your support and advice! I am so glad to have you all to share this with and get your views as parents and doctors are pretty one sided on it. Thank you all xxx

  9. Your weight will have little impact on your chances of conceiving or on having a healthy pregnancy unless you have some other health issues. The biggest thing is to ensure that you are fit and don't go into the pregnancy with high blood pressure or any glucose issues. I also ensured I didn't gain any additional weight while pregnant and had the easiest pregnancy and birth out of all my thin friends.

    Get fit and don't worry about your dress size.

    1. See thats the thing! I do have diabetes type 2 which can be a problem with pregnancy anyway. My blood pressure is mostly normal and I know with my hormones it will be impossible for me not put on weight during a pregnancy as I eat all the bad stuff during periods. I am working on getting fit. It is my number 1 priority and losing a little weight will help with staying pregnant once I get to that point. I have no issues with my dress size at all. It is just a number and I only post sizes on my blog so people see what a range of sizes from different retails I can wear and they can wear and what it looks like on my size and shaped body :)


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